I don’t usually comment on anything considered even somewhat controversial, but this one has been stirring in my heart and I can’t let it go. However, instead of aiming this at the faceless inter webs, I want to share my thoughts here in the hope that if you are questioning—asking God the really hard stuff—you will see you are not alone and you are welcomed here.

In recent days many folks have reposted and sometimes added their own commentary to a Facebook post that went viral. In it this musician calls out Christian leaders who have left their faith. He seems pretty upset, and many have followed in his feelings by reposting it 29,000+ times (last I noticed). At the heart of it yes, I agree, don’t put your faith in people over God. However, perhaps this response that has come from the Body should give us pause to reflect and take inventory on ourselves.

My first pregnancy had complications resulting in strict bed rest at 29 weeks through the end of the pregnancy. My second pregnancy required a more modified bed rest starting at 31 weeks, until the end. (Oh, and these precious little babies were only 13 months apart.)

Yep, two babies in a little over a year. This meant I barely recovered before we had baby #2 on the horizon. Because of the challenges with my previous pregnancy, this momma couldn’t walk much, let alone run during this second pregnancy. My body was a sacrifice for my kiddos, and I felt it.

Before children, running was my go-to adventure. It was my excuse for travel — hello Dublin Marathon! — and my sanctuary. Running helped build my community as I connected with friends over long runs. It was my lifeline.

Do you ever look back and think, “Man, I should have done [fill in the blank].” Or, “Man, maybe I shouldn’t have [fill in the blank].” Or, “If I hadn’t walked this path for so long maybe [fill in the blank].”

I have. Plenty of times. Don’t get me wrong, I know I have it good. I just sometimes fall into that endless rabbit trail of would have, could have, should have—and it isn’t always helpful. If I spend too long there, beyond the point of analysis that lends to more productive decisions in the future, all it does is lead me to a place of ungratefulness.

I want to share a story that always gives me hope when I’m in a place of doubt, uncertainty, or basically questioning all my life decisions up until a certain point—I’m just a little dramatic sometimes.

So take a moment now, if you can.

Anyone else feeling like summer isn’t quite going as planned? I mean, it’s only been 17 days. But still, I had visions of lazy mornings, evenings lounging out back on the deck while the kids swung in the tree swing, and getting all my work (I work from home part time) done while the kiddos were at camp.

None of this has happened.

None.

As I read through the book Detoured: The Messy Grace-Filled Journey from Working Professional to Stay-at-Home Mom I am reminded so vividly of those early ages when the kiddos are super young and need everything. I’m certainly not out of the clear. Every time people ask me how old my kids are and I tell them (currently 7, 6 and 4 in a few months) they tend to gasp and say something along the lines of “girl, you are busy!” To which I smile and wholeheartedly agree.The 7 year old wants more independence than he is ready for and the 6 year old, well she tends to prefer more help than she actually needs. The not quite 4 year old is an entirely other story. She wants the same independence that the 7 year old wants and then some! So yes, it is BUSY, and crazy, and loud, and sometimes I may text my husband that he’s going to come home to a house flipped upside down because I am headed to Hawaii. Alone. For a very, very, very long time.

What I wish someone had told me when I was in the trenches of three kids in 3.5 years—which, truthfully it only feels like in the last two years that I’ve begun to get my bearings—was give yourself grace. Just like a new job takes adjusting so does motherhood.